As I come close to my twenty-fifth birthday I find myself reflecting on one of the most trying yet rewarding years of my life. Now my problems aren’t as big as other peoples problems, but they still matter to me and this post is me forgiving myself and introducing a person that I never want to lose again.
Almost a year ago I felt so lost and alone. I was self-conscious about myself and didn’t know which way was the right way. But along with all these emotions I had to face the fact that my almost five year relationship had reached a dead end. At this point I was so over everything. I was sad that we ended, but I found myself sitting at the edge of my new bed at the beginning of 2015 crying uncontrollably. But these weren’t sad tears that once fell upon my face when everything was happening at one time they were happy tears. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Although I knew that everything wouldn’t go away at one time it was a step. Since my birthday last year I have been gaining back control of my life and learn that not everything is meant to question because I know god has all of my plans mapped out for me I’m just going on along for the ride. During my first semester at UNCC hardly knew who I was and so many people still don’t know me and I’m completely okay with that. But I managed to step out of my comfort zone and made new friends whether or not they stay permanently I enjoy every person I get to meet throughout my journey because I learn something different about every person I come in contact with. I decided to live a healthier life this year now don’t get me wrong I still have my lazy bones, but I’m more motivated than I’ve ever been. I use to be so self-conscious about my body and although I’m never going to be a stick and neither do I want to I have learned to love and appreciate my body this year. Enjoying alone time has become a favorite thing of mine. I already didn’t mind being alone, but I appreciate just thinking alone now. Sitting at random fountains or walking through empty trails can really clear you mind when it seems like the world is on your shoulders.
During my year of being twenty-five I plan on continuing to forgive myself for not loving me more. I unselfishly put someone else before me for years although my love got doubted I still did what I could to make them happy. I kept forgiving friends who didn’t deserve my friendship and holding onto past family issues. But none of this is will define the person I am today or years to come. They were all lessons to do more not for them, but for myself. I deserve it all and I won’t stop until I get it. I had imprisoned myself for so many years and now that I’m almost twenty-five I feel like a kid exploring all these new things for the first time. And to some that may sound silly, but it’s not to me. I don’t care if it takes you to the age of fifty to realize that you deserve more out of life all that matters is you recognize it before it’s too late. Don’t wonder what could have been anymore just worry about what is going to be in the future for you.
So to my twenty-five year old self I cannot wait to go on another years worth of journeys with you. All the challenges you went through in the past has now prepared you to be greater. Learn as many new things as you possibly can. Don’t be sorry for being too loud or too outspoken. Continue with your fifty shades of laughter and never apologize for being amazing. And most of all continue to love and appreciate yourself and life. You don’t need luck because whatever is meant to happen will happen for you just speak it all into existence as you have done this year. You’re so dope and people who will come to know you will always remember that crazy, fun, loving person that you were always meant to be. Go show this world what you have to offer. Be free baby!